in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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