TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You are a genius and a whore.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
