My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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