I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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