I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
