everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
