He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
