if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
