My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
