My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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