I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
