Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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