Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's the barista slut.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
