i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
