my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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