she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
