He uses pillows to masturbate.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
