that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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