I must be too annoying 4 u.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
