Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
