YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
