You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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