Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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