How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
