Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
