I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
