Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
