We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
