i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
