thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
