I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
