hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
