I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i drank out of a bidet.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
