He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
