I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
