OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
