Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
