Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
