my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
