do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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