I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
