I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
