Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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