ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
