if i can run in heels then i can drive
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
