the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
