Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
