yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
please don't ironically join a cult
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