Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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