you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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