During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
