What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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