i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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